HOW HAVE U GUYS BEEN?

Hey ma peeps, sorry I have been MIA for a minute. Well just have to say I am just trying to do what I have to do at the right time o.Anyway I have been good though.

I don't really have any major gist for you guys,except that I have this couple staying below my apartment and they have 3 big dogs o and their balcony is just right by the stairs.These 3 crazy dogs always try to grab you when you are climbing the stairs and I jokingly told the guy one day that if any of his dogs do mistake bite me peren,I dan become millionaire for America be that o and he was laughing,the buffoon think am joking,cos I have been thinking of ways to become a millionaire quick quick o,with the exception of yahoo yahoo and armed robbery o.You see there is this chic in my office that got hit by someone in an accident o and after the chic fight for court finish,she got paid some mega bucks o,cos she bought her house cash down,bought a brand new Murano cash down,bought a brand new car for her mum and brother cash down and still had some money invested o,but the only scoin scoin(make I use blogger word) is that she was kinda put back together like a jigsaw puzzle after the accident o.

Am feeling Eldee's video this week jere,so you can check it out on the sidebar.

Anyway I was telling one of peeps that I be certified warri boy,but she no believe so I just talk say make I publish the some job offers which we are actually trying to hire folks for,so if your resume fit any of the jobs or you know somebody that know somebody,you can refer them.

Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches
in strategic locations throughout all the six
South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its
operations to Abuja, the Federal Capital territory.
This expansion has brought about vacancies for
qualified and experienced young officers.

The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:
The successful applicant who will report to the
Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja,
is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant
agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or other
similar organization will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian
and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and
Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by
sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and
Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must
be provided (pictures preferable)


Photographer:
1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war
zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones
for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera
lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of
expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality
pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and
Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples
(must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in
war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like Oshodi,
3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)


Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50,
be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen
will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge
of foreign European languages, and persons with the
ability to swim.


Renumeration:

Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with
industry standards (payments in foreign currencies).

Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.

Excellent training, involving offshore secondment
(Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time

Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine,
The Economist and other International magazines.

Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian
politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.


Interested applicants should forward their
applications and detailed curriculum vitae within two
weeks to: militant_recruitment@OsamaConsulting.com


I also read online last week that OBJ was stoned in Abeokuta by people when he went for a function o from some reliable sources.Well someone decided to give OBJ a report card to take home to momma o ..

PRESIDENTIAL OFFICE LEAVING CERTIFICATE:
NAME OF STUDENT: Aremu Mathew Okikiola Olusegun Obasanjo

CLASS: Aso Rock Villa

YEAR OF GRADUATION: May 29th 2007

SUBJECT SCORE GRADE

1. Energy 12% F9

2. Agriculture 19% F9

3. Education 17% F9

4. Poverty Eradication 5% F9

5. Telecommunication 50% C5

6. Human Right Abuse 75% A3

7. Globe Trotting 100% A1

8. Fuel Price Hike 175% A1+

9. Reforms 40% C6

10. Fighting Corruption 20% F9

11. Transparency 9% F9

12. Accountability 12% F9

13. Credible Election 2% F9
14. Crime fighting 10% F9

15. Women Affairs 200% AAA


REMARK: Outstanding! No resit please.

PERFORMANCE: YOU BE THE JUDGE.

……………………………
SIGNED: NIGERIANS


Take it easy ma peeps and you guys have a lovely weekend.