Thursday, June 28, 2007

HOW HAVE U GUYS BEEN?

Hey ma peeps, sorry I have been MIA for a minute. Well just have to say I am just trying to do what I have to do at the right time o.Anyway I have been good though.

I don't really have any major gist for you guys,except that I have this couple staying below my apartment and they have 3 big dogs o and their balcony is just right by the stairs.These 3 crazy dogs always try to grab you when you are climbing the stairs and I jokingly told the guy one day that if any of his dogs do mistake bite me peren,I dan become millionaire for America be that o and he was laughing,the buffoon think am joking,cos I have been thinking of ways to become a millionaire quick quick o,with the exception of yahoo yahoo and armed robbery o.You see there is this chic in my office that got hit by someone in an accident o and after the chic fight for court finish,she got paid some mega bucks o,cos she bought her house cash down,bought a brand new Murano cash down,bought a brand new car for her mum and brother cash down and still had some money invested o,but the only scoin scoin(make I use blogger word) is that she was kinda put back together like a jigsaw puzzle after the accident o.

Am feeling Eldee's video this week jere,so you can check it out on the sidebar.

Anyway I was telling one of peeps that I be certified warri boy,but she no believe so I just talk say make I publish the some job offers which we are actually trying to hire folks for,so if your resume fit any of the jobs or you know somebody that know somebody,you can refer them.

Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches
in strategic locations throughout all the six
South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its
operations to Abuja, the Federal Capital territory.
This expansion has brought about vacancies for
qualified and experienced young officers
.

The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:
The successful applicant who will report to the
Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja,
is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant
agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or other
similar organization will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian
and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and
Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by
sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and
Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must
be provided (pictures preferable)


Photographer:
1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war
zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones
for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera
lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of
expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality
pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and
Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples
(must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in
war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like Oshodi,
3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)


Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50,
be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen
will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge
of foreign European languages, and persons with the
ability to swim.


Renumeration:

Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with
industry standards (payments in foreign currencies).

Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.

Excellent training, involving offshore secondment
(Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time

Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine,
The Economist and other International magazines.

Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian
politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.


Interested applicants should forward their
applications and detailed curriculum vitae within two
weeks to: militant_recruitment@OsamaConsulting.com


I also read online last week that OBJ was stoned in Abeokuta by people when he went for a function o from some reliable sources.Well someone decided to give OBJ a report card to take home to momma o ..

PRESIDENTIAL OFFICE LEAVING CERTIFICATE:
NAME OF STUDENT: Aremu Mathew Okikiola Olusegun Obasanjo

CLASS: Aso Rock Villa

YEAR OF GRADUATION: May 29th 2007

SUBJECT SCORE GRADE

1. Energy 12% F9

2. Agriculture 19% F9

3. Education 17% F9

4. Poverty Eradication 5% F9

5. Telecommunication 50% C5

6. Human Right Abuse 75% A3

7. Globe Trotting 100% A1

8. Fuel Price Hike 175% A1+

9. Reforms 40% C6

10. Fighting Corruption 20% F9

11. Transparency 9% F9

12. Accountability 12% F9

13. Credible Election 2% F9
14. Crime fighting 10% F9

15. Women Affairs 200% AAA


REMARK: Outstanding! No resit please.

PERFORMANCE: YOU BE THE JUDGE.

……………………………
SIGNED: NIGERIANS


Take it easy ma peeps and you guys have a lovely weekend.

Labels:

15 Comments:

At Thursday, June 28, 2007 9:55:00 AM, Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

first. Ok let me go and read.

 
At Thursday, June 28, 2007 10:35:00 AM, Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

ok I want to apply for job oo. especially this one "Renumeration" - because I want to be on CNN all the time. lol.

about the accident thing, someone once hit me, but I was too principled to make it into soemthing it wasnt, cause at least it wasn't that bad. People said I should made some serious claim, but being a millionair from that is wey too stressful.

 
At Friday, June 29, 2007 6:47:00 AM, Blogger Favoured Girl said...

LOL at the job adverts! They do ring true somehow... God help us.

Have a great weekend!

 
At Friday, June 29, 2007 9:43:00 AM, Blogger Omodudu said...

LOL at the girl at your office.

 
At Monday, July 02, 2007 1:00:00 AM, Blogger femme said...

guy, which women affairs exam do you mean?
are you are refering to the fact that he gave women a chance to show us what they can do and they didnt fuck up? or the amount of wives baba has?
ps
with your scores, his g.p isnt so bad

 
At Monday, July 02, 2007 1:20:00 AM, Blogger femme said...

love your blog,
you bloggeers have been having so much fun without me

 
At Monday, July 02, 2007 1:47:00 AM, Blogger beautyinbaltimore said...

Is that story about your coworker true. Try to blog more often, you know we miss your gist.

 
At Monday, July 02, 2007 5:59:00 AM, Blogger 36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

Where have u been!!!!!!!! im suing you for going AWOL!!!

 
At Monday, July 02, 2007 3:57:00 PM, Blogger Everyone Loves a Naija Girl said...

Welcome back! Love Eldee!

 
At Tuesday, July 03, 2007 9:36:00 AM, Blogger Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

lmao@becoming a quick millionaire.. my darling.. please go and make that money so you can take me gucci shopping... lol... you know i have put in a lot of time into this relationship even though you have strayed time without number... welcome back my darling.. i hope you will stay longer this time oh... i dont want this your in and out blogging again...

 
At Tuesday, July 03, 2007 12:23:00 PM, Blogger omohemi Benson said...

Ole!
what if the dog bite you finish now and another thing go enter nko?
But that girl was luck y o! chei!
but it is only in yankee, you get well paid for stuffs like that, for naija whosai!

Eldee na cool dude o! gba!
Abeg, where doI submit my appilcations. lol.

 
At Tuesday, July 03, 2007 1:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Proper warri man,na wa o, why u go jus spoi tins for the ijaw peeps by blowin us up.....LOL, this ur blog is funny and I think I you have just made a fan in the NYC.

100% Ijaw babe.

 
At Wednesday, July 04, 2007 3:55:00 AM, Anonymous tony said...

Good morning.

I have just added your blog to a collection of all Nigerian blogs which I am currently building and which can be found here: The Nigerian Super Blog . On the site you will be able to read posts from 197 Nigerian blogs ALL from one place (this number will increase as we continue to add new blog feeds).

The preview version of The Nigerian Super Blog was launched on the 1st of July 2007 and the site is still very much in active development (thus you might experience a bug here and there). We'd be happy if you can find time to check it out (I promise you are going to love it because you will be able to read all your favorite blogs and more from one place!). Plus it will help much more people to find and enjoy your blog.

We'd also appreciate any kind of feedback, (blogs @ naijalive . net) and possibly a post about us. and if you really like the site, please tell people about it and add a link to us in your blog.

Other ways you may support this FREE project is by helping us with links or pointers to Nigerian blogs so that we can add them if they are not already there.

Thanks a lot and keep up the good work!

 
At Thursday, July 05, 2007 4:15:00 PM, Blogger Naijadude said...

LOL now that is funny!

 
At Wednesday, March 11, 2009 6:57:00 AM, Blogger Lobebe said...

Daily update on jobs vacancies http://najiajobs.blogspot.com

 

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