Got this from another Blog ....u can

I don't do memes, but kinda like this one!

Have You Ever...?Stolen Anything: Hmmmmmm ....... who hasn't ...
Been Drunk Before Noon: College days was crazy is all i could say!
Had Sex In A Public Place: Hmmmmmmmm......
Got Caught Telling A Lie: Who Hasn’t?
Been Arrested: Got To The Station and was let go 'cos it was mistaken identity.
Littered: Story....tell me you've not.
Fantasized About A Co-Worker: Omo HR fit dey read this arena
Cheated On A Test: Well ...depends on what you call cheating...is spying cheating?
Failed A Class: Never. well a lecturer failed me back then 'cos he thought I was dating a chic he wanted to get with.
Screened Your Phone Calls: Duh!
Eaten Food Off The Floor: Why not!
Stuck Gum Under A Desk: Everybody has done that jo!
Wished You Were Someone Else: I’m Thinking, ...Myself
Cried During A Movie: Getting Teary Eyed Is Not Quite Crying, Is It?
Had A One Night Stand: I plead the 5th!
Had To Pull Over On The Side Of The Road To Puke?: Not to puke o but to take a nap!
Had Your Heart Broken?: ...yes o .....
Had A Good Feeling About Something?: of cos!
Had A Near Death Experience: Yup, Car accident and a lot more near miss.
Swam In Freezing Water: for why!
Jumped Off A House: yes o..in college from the top floor of the SUB(Naija college)
Been Attacked?: Yes o ....which bobo wey grow up in naija has not!
Bungee Jumped: The Price Is Yet To Be Right
White Water Rafted: Like that's a sport or recreational activity.....well not challenging enuff.
Pulled An All Nighter?: Yes for exams!
Surfed: I'm Not Even Interested
Lied About Your Age: Nah...for why!
Broken A Bone?: NEVER but sprain some parts of my body.

Na Wah o !

Hey folks, I know its been a minute since I put an update up on this space. Not my fault but you know, as in, like that, this guy right here has to work, pay bills and survive.
Anyway been working and doing a little bit of traveling as well and one of the traveling confirmed to me that identity theft,yahoo yahoo, 419 etc or any other name you want to give it is worldwide jere.

I went to the Dominican Republic early September and I must say the place is lovely. Nice beaches everywhere and nice people as well.Dominican Republic shares an island with Haiti, so it is one of the biggest island in the Caribbean.The Dominican Republic was colonized by the Spanish although the island was discovered by Christopher Columbus and the capital of Dominica Republic, Santa Domingo was said to be the first capital of Spain in the New world.Anyway enough of the history lesson.
I had major fun on the island although the heat no get part II sha. All you want to do is just stay in the ocean or the swimming pools or inside with the AC.

So on to my issue, I made a charge on my Amex in Puerto Plata which is the city I went to for $98 and was assure that only $99 will be charged on my card but never the less, I saw a charge of $99.99. I did not make a fuss 'cos it is just $1.99 abi.Well I did not know that was a test,'cos 2 weeks after I got back, I was just about to leave work and remembered that I needed to make the payment on the Amex card.So I logged into my account online and noticed that my line of credit was low.So I picked up the phone,called America Express to chew them up for reducing my line of credit.So a chic picked up the phone and I already started going off about them reducing my line of credit,then the chic said they did not do anything of the such but that I have a charge pending on my account, so that is why my line of credit is showing that amount
I first of all roll the dice in my brain to figure out if I made any charge on the card but all I could get was double 6.So I asked her to please tell me what the charge was for,how much and where it is been charged.The chic went ahead and told me that there was a charge for $1800 been charged in the Dominican Republic for a 1 week vacation Presidential hotel suite in Panama city,Panama.See me see trouble o, me sef that owns the card has never been to Panama or have any plans of visiting Panama anytime soon and someone is charging up my card there for a Presidential suite not even a normal room.So first of all I calmed down and told them (no be me) and that my card is here in front of me and I have no plans whatsoever to visit Panama anytime soon. So they got me the fraud department and canceled the card and UPS another one to me.Well as of right now they said they are still investigating the charge and all that rubbish and that I won't be charged a finance fee for the amount, 'cos the amount is still showing on my account and they said they won't be able to put it back until their investigation has been concluded. I told them no wahala that I understand since my name is not John Doe,but Omogbagi Omosare so they don't need to believe me. If they like they can come and post a detective in front of my house to follow me everywhere to see if I made it to Panama sef na their wahala as long I am not liable for that amount and I am not been charged for the finance fee, am good.

Apart from that everything has been good except work, which is still its normal binsh self but am getting it under control as usual 'cos work scarce out there and the word bills is not going anywhere.You can imagine that I have been working non-stop for the past two weeks, I mean night and day on a rubbish project which they termed priority and has to go into production by 30th of September. Guess what, we are still testing in that same production as of now, abi no be the plan be that,it must enter Production by 30th of Septemeber which I did put into Production before then.

Anyway folks,I get on meeting now and even hunger is knocking on the doors of my stomach right about now.So I have to call into a meeting and at the same time go look for something to eat.

Casshhhh ya larrer folks

Lemme humor you with this caption I got from a co worker ..

“Sure Wish Somebody Would Invent Something To Keep The Sun Out Of My Eyes."



I LUV MATHEMATICS - Check out this video ........LOLOLOLOL .....

You Can't Fix Stupid

Yours Truly

Howdy fellow blogheads, been a long minute since I have been on here. Been a little busy and also trying to put a post up has been feeling like too much work.

Anyway don't let me bore you to death with my rantings.

I kinda got the inspiration to update my blog today because of someone that casted their fishing rod to catch a fish and caught one and hoping they would eat the fish or not .......lolol......am sure you guys are thinking in your head WTH is this buffoon talking about. Well it's all a riddle for now jere .....

Back to the koko, well I hung out with a bunch of my co workers yesterday and kinda noticed a couple of stuffs going on with some of them. Ok let me start by telling you about some of them.

I have a guy I work with who is like on the same level with my manager but I don't work for him. He is one of the people I hang out with down here and he is cool. There is a chic that works with us too and it is very obvious that the chic has the hots for the bobo and the bobo won't mind shagging the chic but the bobo no sabi how to go about it without dating the chic. The bobo is a little slow in that department when it comes to that sha make I no lie.Anyway this chic has a roommate who also for a weird reason like the bobo somehow somehow.Am sure you are already feeling the drama in all this abi. Well me I am kinda like an instigator and wahala stirrer when it comes to this kind of drama because I like movies and TV well well. So everytime I hang with them I am always bringing something up that will cause the 3 of them to collide just for the fun of it sha cos it's always fun to watch them all together.

Anyway the roommate's birthday was yesterday and she sent an invite out to come party with her at a nearby restaurant slash bar/club sha.So me looking at the list of invitees I knew I was having fun either way ni sha.

It sort of happens that the dude in the middle of all this rukus now got himself a fine long leg chic from one of these European countries sha, the chic fine pass the 2 chics having sleepless nights cos of the dude o.So me myself and I now convinced the dude to invite his new chic out to the birthday gig o just to cause rukus now.The guy in his right mind would not have thought of doing that cos he also enjoys the attention he gets from these 2 chics but he does not know how to go about doing what he has to do sha.

Anyway I got to the venue and a whole bunch of them were already there cos I had to finish of some stuffs at work late. So we started partying it up like rockstars o and you know that oyinbo people after a few drinks the crazies starts coming outta them.Well the drama started as usually after yours truly did some instigating and getting them to do what they normally do.Then Gbam!!! the new player got introduced into the game when the dude's new girlfriend entered the parrrryyyy o.

Anyway the long and short of the story is that the chic that works with us figured nothing for her or probably the alcohol kicked some sense into her and she became the dude's girlfriends paddy but the roomie who's birthday it was did not know what to do, so she proceeded to go ahead and get shitface(get drunk). It was a funny but not so funny sight to watch and the good thing about it is that the dude's girlfriend was all matured about the whole thing. I guess 'cos she knows she owns the meat now and can dangle it in their faces...lol

Anyway yours truly did not wake up till like 10.15am today and had to jump on a radio talk show which was fun sha. Plan for today was to have a me time o with activities lined up.Plan was to go to the gym,jump in the pool after, then go to the golf range to practice some new stuffs I just saw that my man Tiger Woods did recently and then end up at the shooting range to do some target practice. Well I was able to get to the gym and jump in the pool before the rain started, so golf range and shooting range was out of the question, so I ended up staying indoors all day. Had some pounded yam and banga soup and watch TV all day. Think I might be going to a bachelor's party for a co worker that I got invited to later tonight sha.


Well peeps I think I need to go jump in the bathroom or something but peeps can you tell me what you think about this wrist watch o ....cos am a sucker for wrist watches and shoes.

I SWEAR!!!!

Hey peeps longest time, am sure a lot of you guys already gave up on me on this blog thingy. Well it's not my fault o,busy is an understatement here o. Am sure you will be wondering what the title of this post is referring to.I was kuku jejele going through my mp3 files and saw the song "I swear by All 4 One" and I started wondering what all men were actually thinking about when singing that song to their Girlfriends back then(abi u wan talk say u no sing or write am out as a letter). I attached the video to the song on here for my newbies 'cos I know the old school peeps will know the song.




I was going through my normal rounds of reading news online o when I saw these pic of some African Leaders at the UN summit that was just completed and I was wondering if some of them flew coach down to New York ni that they could not sleep on the plane, abi the topic been discussed was "How to stop corruption in African Nations" or too much faaji(partying) happened the night before(you know how we get down now).



I also got this pictogram from one of my friends o, I did not draw this o(This is a disclaimer o).... I GOT IT FROM A FRIEND WHO PROBABLY GOT IT FROM A FRIEND"S FRIEND.




I was looking through some of my old emails as well and found this list of proverbs that I got a little while back and decided to educate you guys a little on proverbs.


A fool and his money............Na guy man best friend
A friend in need..............No go meet me for house
A penny saved.............Na half a penny tomorrow
As you make your bed.............Na so you go lay your mat too
Don't cry over spilt Akamu
Early to bed and early to rise..........Na Ministry you dey work be that
If at first you don't succeed..........Make you use another passport
From frying pan...............to belle
When in Rome.............No do as Bini babes dey do oooo

Who no know, e go know
He who lives in a glass house....... Na im pepper rest
A stitch in time...... .. dey prevent further tear tear.
Birds of the same feather.......na the same mama born dem.
One good turn.... ..... na correct power steering be that.
A bird in hand...... . wetin e wan be again if no be barbeque.
Half bread....... ... is better than buns.
Journey of a thousand miles....... Ol'boy carry your car go o
He who laughs last........ na mumu. Why im no catch the joke at the first
time and laugh when others dey laugh?
The patient dog........ Na hunger go kill am.
All work and no play......Nabanker be dat
All play and no work...... Abeg na real life be dat. After all, u no see as
u dey happy wen dem declare holiday.


The other thing I wanted to vent about is how do some people come up adverts for products on TV,'cos I have seen some adverts that I was still clueless about what it was all about 2mins after. Check out this advert and let me know what you think..




Then I got this video from a colleague at work and could not stop laughing o, so I decided to share it with you guys.





Anyway I need to get back to what am getting paid for here even though it's friday. You guys have a nice weekend and I will try and update this space more often.

WOW!!! Catching ma Breath!!!

Ma peeps, men its been a while since this medium has been updated.It's not my fault jere, it's the ups and down of trying to make a living and while also trying to make yourself better. Work as been a BEESH(Warri accent).

Anyway I have been doing alright and thanks to a million and one friends that have been bugging me to update forever.At least I know some people still check up on me.

I just though I will go ahead and update with a few jokes and picture jokes like I do atimes 'cos I have some that I can't just wait to share.....

One of my friends sent me this joke today -

MEN VS WOMEN
HER DIARY
------------ ------
Dear Diary,

My husband is acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long and I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so, I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk; he agreed but he kept
quiet and seemed kind of absent minded. I asked him what was wrong - he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.



On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love U,too.' When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distan. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is gonna be a disaster.
___________ _________ _________ _

HIS DIARY
==========
Today Manchester lost the final match Against Arsenal.

DAMN IT.





Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexity of Women !!!


I SAW THIS ON A WEBSITE I CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER WHICH ONE!!!
News Flash -- Idiots sightings!!!

IDIOT SIGHTING :
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce..' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

From Kansas City


IDIOT SIGHTING :
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied , 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in -the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealer ship to pick up our car, w e were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctivel y tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE KIDS!!!

Got this joke from a friend ...
The absolute best Little Johnnie joke
Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their
house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby
had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything
about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the
smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he
understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a
beautiful baby'.The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.' Johnnie
said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute
little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see? ''Yes', the mother
replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20
vision. ''That's great', said Little Johnnie,'cuz he'd be fucked if he needed
glasses'

This is for you ma peeps that sleep off @ Work

FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:


NUMBER 5: "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

NUMBER 4 : "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to."

NUMBER 3 : "Whew!? Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!"

NUMBER 2: "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"

And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: (Raising your head slowly) "... in Jesus' name, Amen"

HERE ARE SOME PICTURE JOKES!!!



Omo the only thing someone saw in this pic is the gas prices..Can you Imagine!!!
This was a plane crash in LA 8yrs Ago


You can imagine after dinner @ a Chinese restaurant and you crack the fortune cookie!!


This is one of the times ma peeps will say before nko!!! .... I go pass you for road if care is not taken sef.



So who come get right of way now ....LASMA help us decide!!!



And last but not the least ma peeps ..... na some people talk this one o,no be me o!!!

The Beauty of Maths

Beauty of Math!

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

Brilliant, isn't it?

And look at this symmetry:

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111=123456789 87654321

Now, take a look at this...

101%

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint:

What Equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been in situations where someone wants you to GIVE OVER 100%.

How about ACHIEVING 101%?

What equals 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

If:

H-A-R-D-W-O- R- K
8+1+18+4+23+ 15+18+11 = 98%

And:

K-N-O-W-L-E- D-G-E
11+14+15+23+ 12+5+4+7+ 5 = 96%

But:

A-T-T-I-T-U- D-E
1+20+20+9+20+ 21+4+5 = 100%

THEN, look how far the love of God will take you:

L-O-V-E-O-F- G-O-D
12+15+22+5+15+ 6+7+15+4 = 101%

Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that:

While Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, It's the Love of God that will put you over the top!

YOU NEED TO CHECK OUT THESE VIDEOS....
__._,_.___

Have a nice weekend peeps....

Men!!! We are special..Y'all Know

Ma peeps,whatz crackalacking? Been an hour jere, not ma fault just trying to pay ma bills.I actually have a lot to blog about but at this very moment,I can't really think straight.Maybe I have to start putting stuffs down when I remember them,like I was telling a friend who was complaining about her husband not remembering their anniversary date.I told her when it gets to some point in a man's life,you need to buy extra memory and add it to the man's memory 'cos we tend to run slow when it comes to those kind of issues,like remembering birthdays,anniversaries,bill due dates,doctor's appointments,time etc.

For example you ever wonder why a lot of us(men)turn out the way we are?Take a look at this pictures.You can really see it is not our fault that much








So beware trying to get your husband to babysit or raise,cos you don't know what really goes on during that time...LOL

Boys will read more


Kids will be able to express their emotions more

Potty Training ke.... More like target training


Nuthn like chasing the kids around for bedtime,a pint does the trick


Check out some everyday T-shirts for the boys





Let me leave you with a joke before I go back to my day job.

Bibles
A pastor concluded that his church was getting into serious financial troubles.
While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new
bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation
who would be willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to
raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Jack, Paul and Louie all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.
The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen
and were likely capable of selling some bibles. But he had serious
doubts about Louie who was a local farmer, who had always kept to
himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.

Poor Louis stuttered badly. But, not wanting to discourage Louis, the
minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked
with bibles.

He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door
selling efforts the following Sunday.

Eager to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked
Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales
prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on
behalf of the church."

"Fine job, Jack!" The minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You are
indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."

Turning to Paul, "And Paul, how many bibles did you sell for the church
last week?"

Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied," I am a
professional salesman. I sold 28 bibles on behalf of the church, and
here's $280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You are
truly a professional salesman and the church is also indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Louie and said, "And Louie, did you
manage to sell any bibles last week?" Louie silently offered the minister
a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the
minister exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that
you sold 320 bibles for the church, door to door, in just one week?"

Louie just nodded. That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison
We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many
bibles as we could"

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better
explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."

Louie shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f- f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.

Impatiently, Paul interrupted. "For crying out loud, Louie, just tell us
what you said to them when they answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied , "W-w-w-w-would
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible
f-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-you j-j-j-just
l-like m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t- to
y-y-you??"

Lemme jeje go back to work,'cos e be like say this mammal of an oga wey I get dan join winch people.Everytime I just decide to take a break and relax, na email I go see from the mammal.Be like say he no dey sleep sef, cos the time difference is 5hrs and the mammal dey send emails anytime of the day.

Listen to the song playing on the sidebar o!!!
Have a lovely rest of the week peeps and enjoy your coming long weekend for my US peeps(Londonbuki in ya face)..LOL

Catch some Laffs

Hey ma peeps,been a minute jere.Na this work wey person dey do o.
Thanks to peeps that have been checking on me jere.
Anyway I just have a some pics and a video for you,just a lil' something to make you smile and you can laff as well if you need to 'cos I did when I saw the videos.

MY IBO GUY

After a long period of silence an Ibo guy phones his good pal and the following conversation ensued....
Chike: Nna.. How now??, long tam no see you!
Chidi: Nna, I just dey o. Wetin dey happen now ?
Chike: I jus dey.. Ah beg, I need your hep for sontin...
Chidi: (grumbles) Na wetin?
Chike: Ah won borrow small money from una
Chidi: Hello? Hello? I can't hear u well o
Chike: I say ah need small money from una
Chidi: Hello? Hello? ..dis line no clear o..
Chike: (yelling into the phone) Ah say come borrow me small money abeg!
Chidi: Hello? Hello??, I still can not hear you!
(The phone operator now butts in).. He said he wants you to borrow him money!
Chidi: NNA YOU WEY HEAR AM WELL GIVE AM THE MONEY NOW! (foolish operator.. shiooo..)

Dumb 911 Calls



Funny DUI Arrest




You think Okada men are crazy in Naija,U ain't see nuthn until you see these pics.
These Okada pics made me remember one bad experience I had on an okada when I was still doing fineboy around Port harcourt o.
Na jeje I talk say make I go arrange some Martinik fried rice and chicken in D-line(for peeps that know Port Harcourt well) before hunger kill your guy o.So I decided to hike an okada 'cos of traffic.So I chartered the okada to take me and bring me back to my office o,on our way back there was an oil spill from an oil tanker on one of the roads,na so the stupid okada man wan do James Bond o and instead of him to slow down,men thatz how me,myself and I,the okada man and the okada did some serious stunt for road o.Men the only thing that saved us that day was that there was no car coming from the opposite side of the road and all the practice I had undergone with my brother and cousins from watching too many movies.To now make matters worse,this incident now happened right in front of one ashewo joint on that road and all the deads(prostitutes) were already out in full force.Men come and see them making fun of your guy,that was one of the most embarrassing time of my life o.I did not even feel the pain of the small bruises I got 'cos all I wanted to do was to fade comot for there.The food sef I did not know who escaped with the food after the incident.



























You guys have a nice rest of the week and God bless

Bringing My Guy to the Mic

My peeps it's 4th of July on this side of the planet and guess what yours truly did all through today,well your guess is as good as mine.Yours truly did laundry all day after like 5weeks and the only reason why the laundry just had to happen today was cos yours truly was out of boxers and actually had to run to the store 2 days ago to get boxers o.

Yours truly had to go act like a butter again today o.I can't remember ever buying a liquid detergent before o,cos man pickin has been used to OMO and Elephant Blue detergent from Naija days,so liquid detergent has always been a NO NO and yours truly don't really do laundry jere.So today I got to the store and I guess I was feeling too good with myself and decided to buy Tide liquid detergent o and guess what,the $13.85 liquid detergent did not make it out of the laundry room.I am still trying to figure out how people use that thing.

Looking at people running around with fireworks brought back memories of "BANGER" days back mehn.I remember one xmas that my neighbors in Naija decided to have a banger war with us and unfortunately for them we had a bunch of my cousins over the the holiday.We ended up spending all the money we saved up,begged for and tif(yes I said tif,tell God to slap you if u did not tif money when u were small for stupid things) on Banger or knockout.The D-day for the war was set for 9pm boxing day after we got back from the amusement park or something.After emptying the bangers and knockouts out of their packs,we had like a full bucket of ammunition.Anyway after the battle,I can pretty much tell you that we ended been in deep shyte.

Well going back to the title of my post today.I have one of my high school friends here.This guy has been trying to rap since we were in high school in Naija and his rap name then was "Skenti B",but is real name is Lanre.We had fun back in the days anyway and really got into a trouble or two back then as well.This guy is a pharmacist now and based in Buffalo NY,but he is still trying to make his mark as well as an artist.I heard some of his songs is now been played on radio and TV stations back in Naija.

Please show him some love and you can always let him know what you feel about his songs.He has a couple of songs and he actually did one song for one chic he had a crush on when we were in Primary school till we left high school which he titled in the chic's name "Yewande"Here are some of his videos and he is going to be shooting a couple of his other videos in Naija this August.


Want you Back------Lanre


Yewande ----- Lanre


Too Strong ----------Lanre

You can check out his myspace official website here

I got a comment about a new blog that has a listing of all the Naija blogs,it's a good avenue to get to a lot of Naija blogs.Check it out Here

Am signing outta here for a minute my peeps,take care and happy independence day to my peeps in yankee.Peace!!!

Heard D'banj will be in MD on Thursday 5th of July between 6pm to 9pm at
Peju's Restaurant and Lounge,1724 Woodlawn Drive Baltimore,MD 21244
No cover charge and it's strictly 21 and over Dress code proffesional,grown and sexy
for more info call 410 493 2799 443 415 2243.

So all y'all Naija star stuck peeps can check him out there o

HOW HAVE U GUYS BEEN?

Hey ma peeps, sorry I have been MIA for a minute. Well just have to say I am just trying to do what I have to do at the right time o.Anyway I have been good though.

I don't really have any major gist for you guys,except that I have this couple staying below my apartment and they have 3 big dogs o and their balcony is just right by the stairs.These 3 crazy dogs always try to grab you when you are climbing the stairs and I jokingly told the guy one day that if any of his dogs do mistake bite me peren,I dan become millionaire for America be that o and he was laughing,the buffoon think am joking,cos I have been thinking of ways to become a millionaire quick quick o,with the exception of yahoo yahoo and armed robbery o.You see there is this chic in my office that got hit by someone in an accident o and after the chic fight for court finish,she got paid some mega bucks o,cos she bought her house cash down,bought a brand new Murano cash down,bought a brand new car for her mum and brother cash down and still had some money invested o,but the only scoin scoin(make I use blogger word) is that she was kinda put back together like a jigsaw puzzle after the accident o.

Am feeling Eldee's video this week jere,so you can check it out on the sidebar.

Anyway I was telling one of peeps that I be certified warri boy,but she no believe so I just talk say make I publish the some job offers which we are actually trying to hire folks for,so if your resume fit any of the jobs or you know somebody that know somebody,you can refer them.

Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches
in strategic locations throughout all the six
South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its
operations to Abuja, the Federal Capital territory.
This expansion has brought about vacancies for
qualified and experienced young officers.

The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:
The successful applicant who will report to the
Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja,
is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant
agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or other
similar organization will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian
and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and
Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by
sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and
Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must
be provided (pictures preferable)


Photographer:
1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war
zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones
for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera
lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of
expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality
pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and
Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples
(must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in
war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like Oshodi,
3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)


Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50,
be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen
will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge
of foreign European languages, and persons with the
ability to swim.


Renumeration:

Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with
industry standards (payments in foreign currencies).

Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.

Excellent training, involving offshore secondment
(Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time

Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine,
The Economist and other International magazines.

Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian
politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.


Interested applicants should forward their
applications and detailed curriculum vitae within two
weeks to: militant_recruitment@OsamaConsulting.com


I also read online last week that OBJ was stoned in Abeokuta by people when he went for a function o from some reliable sources.Well someone decided to give OBJ a report card to take home to momma o ..

PRESIDENTIAL OFFICE LEAVING CERTIFICATE:
NAME OF STUDENT: Aremu Mathew Okikiola Olusegun Obasanjo

CLASS: Aso Rock Villa

YEAR OF GRADUATION: May 29th 2007

SUBJECT SCORE GRADE

1. Energy 12% F9

2. Agriculture 19% F9

3. Education 17% F9

4. Poverty Eradication 5% F9

5. Telecommunication 50% C5

6. Human Right Abuse 75% A3

7. Globe Trotting 100% A1

8. Fuel Price Hike 175% A1+

9. Reforms 40% C6

10. Fighting Corruption 20% F9

11. Transparency 9% F9

12. Accountability 12% F9

13. Credible Election 2% F9
14. Crime fighting 10% F9

15. Women Affairs 200% AAA


REMARK: Outstanding! No resit please.

PERFORMANCE: YOU BE THE JUDGE.

……………………………
SIGNED: NIGERIANS


Take it easy ma peeps and you guys have a lovely weekend.