Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Hey folks,whatz going down on here I have been amiss for a minute.I really don't have anything going on right now except u guys want me to bore u with my work which is a little bit killing right now 'cos am working with some "skulls"(blockheads) who call themselves consultants and the "mammal"(dimwit) that I unfortunately got as a project manager is not helping matters as well.

Anyway I just saw this video online and decided to share it with u guys..just make sure u watch it till the end o,cos they might be the next Tony Tetula...



I saw this picture and remember what one of my very good friend was discussing with me about how atimes u don't understand what u actually did with money and before u know it, u have one expense to settle when u actually thought u have some left over money.

Anyway lemme leave u guys with a lil dose of my jokes for the week.This is for you peeps that always have some ready made lie when u need to take time off work ...

A company decided to come out with there own set of rules

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

You guys have a lovely rest of the week and a nice weekend

33 Comments:

At Thursday, March 22, 2007 2:04:00 AM, Blogger chainreader said...

Why oh why did i have to watch that video to the end? My IQ has officially dropped 3 and a half notches.

I'll forgive you for this, some day. Don't hold your breath waiting.

Terrible!!!!

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 2:05:00 AM, Blogger chainreader said...

Oh, yeah. I was first.

*fireworks*

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 3:41:00 AM, Blogger LondonBuki said...

NB, Sorry but ummm... can you please send me the songs again... Jo.

LOL @ the jokes! 104 personal days? HaHaHa!!!

Take care and don't let the dimwit and co. get to you.

Enjoy the rest of your week,

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:43:00 AM, Blogger Calabar Gal said...

Have a lovely weekend too.

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 6:09:00 AM, Blogger azuka said...

Blokey blokey, that your company is going to lose all its workers oh!

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 7:59:00 AM, Blogger Vera Ezimora said...

LOL

I like the two weeks notice b4 death. Hahaha.

I haven't watched the video o... that face on it is not very encouraging.

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 8:08:00 AM, Blogger bimbylads said...

LOLLLLLLLLLL.. nutter!!

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 2:21:00 PM, Blogger Beyond said...

Wahala dey, no sick days and no surgery, wetin doctors and surgeons do your company directors wey be say dem no want make doctors and surgeons collect there own share of dem workers salary.

 
At Thursday, March 22, 2007 11:50:00 PM, Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

This company is not serious ooooooo. LOL. I guess they don't want to have to employ anyone they will have to pay..Im sure they will expect people to work for free.

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 10:06:00 AM, Blogger snazzy said...

that was pretty damn funny men. Don't lie, it was posted by a Nigerian bank.

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 1:53:00 PM, Blogger omohemi Benson said...

Miss u o!
lol@ no surgery,we hired u intact"

Take it easy with all these your people at work.

You'll be fine.
Take care

 
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 4:44:00 AM, Blogger racquelle-cutie said...

hey i luv ur blog n i dont 2ink ur boring

 
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 9:48:00 AM, Blogger Nilla said...

Pele oh on you work.

I like the beat in the video.

LOL @ the company rules.

Have a wonderful weekend/week

 
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 1:08:00 PM, Blogger OmoJesu said...

ok this is too funny...the dress code seem a bit realistic from the rest and the one hour lunch break for skinny people, in reality it seem like they tend to eat the most

 
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 5:26:00 PM, Blogger Vickii said...

Shame about the stupid people you work with .... we all have our share. If it's any comfort, you're bound to emerge from this experience more patient and tolerant of fools lol.

I've seen a slightly different version of this joke ... very funny!

 
At Monday, March 26, 2007 8:25:00 AM, Blogger Chude! said...

Lol. Yeah, like Vicki, have seen this joke before, but I think you tampered with it just a little? I stll find it as funny as if I'm seeing it for the first time.

Oh today is such a BEAUTIFUL day. I thank God for this lecturers' meeting today and the attendant free time. TODAY I am going to discover all the fun blogs!!!

Cheers

 
At Monday, March 26, 2007 9:16:00 AM, Blogger temmy tayo said...

I am still holding my tummy from laughter.

 
At Tuesday, March 27, 2007 7:56:00 PM, Blogger kulutempa said...

i can't believe i actually watched that video to the end...i must really like you or something. i agree with chainreader - i feel undecidedly more stupid for having done so. it's funny how people suddenly feel deeper and more wise after they've smoked weed - what the hell does "jesus no go pay the price twice" mean??

 
At Tuesday, March 27, 2007 8:44:00 PM, Blogger ijeoma obu iheoma said...

lol.. at the list.. the "of your own death one .. daft.. and funny

 
At Wednesday, March 28, 2007 5:45:00 AM, Blogger 36 INCHES OF BROWN LEGS said...

babes? where u been? last i heard from u, my boyfriend wanted list was all about you? small time u dissapeared? wetin happen? liver fail you? Lol. anyways hope u r good.

and by the way, u just put me in trouble at work o!!! since when did u put loud music on ur blog na?

 
At Wednesday, March 28, 2007 9:26:00 AM, Blogger Klara said...

First time her n I would say I had lots of Love so No! U r not boring!

 
At Wednesday, March 28, 2007 1:40:00 PM, Blogger Vera Ezimora said...

Ehm, xcuse me but I need an update STAT!

 
At Wednesday, March 28, 2007 3:37:00 PM, Blogger Smoothvibes said...

bhuahahahahah!.. You're such a trip wiht this ur jokes. Thanks for checking on me.

 
At Thursday, March 29, 2007 5:49:00 AM, Blogger Teva said...

NB, you be yeye boy o! Haba? yo no hear from me, u no suppose come look for me????
LOL
How you been man? I just have to pick on you! Is miggie no longer going to blog abi wetin be the epitaph the guy write on his blog?

 
At Friday, March 30, 2007 11:05:00 AM, Blogger Biodun said...

The joke was funny, lol Sorry about the work situation, so how come ur life is that dry by the way, lol. No gist ke, I refuse 2 believe that n yeah i have updated my blog!

 
At Friday, March 30, 2007 11:44:00 PM, Blogger The Life of a Stranger called me said...

UPDATE BIKO.

 
At Saturday, March 31, 2007 10:41:00 AM, Blogger chicala said...

so why they kon dey carry guiness dey pose , hisss. i'm sory but i cldnt watch it till d end o,the guys face jst scared me off. and who's tht one trying to rap like mumu, hiss again and again.
but i luvv that song playing in the background though.

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 7:06:00 AM, Blogger law_damsel said...

Longest time!! I still want 2 know where u get those jokes forn ehn..lolllllllll

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 7:56:00 AM, Blogger omohemi Benson said...

Egbon wassup?
Shey work never make u craze o! lol.
Oya abeg come update.

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 1:25:00 AM, Blogger beautyinbaltimore said...

My you are a fine boy. Your picture made me sit up.

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 2:38:00 PM, Blogger kulutempa said...

o boy, this thesis is refusing to be written o! you can see that i'm still prowling the blog jungle, three days after i was supposed to submit my first draft...God save me.

 
At Wednesday, April 04, 2007 5:17:00 AM, Blogger Desola said...

olo mi!

 
At Wednesday, April 18, 2007 7:16:00 AM, Blogger dolly said...

still laughing

I'm very sure u'll lose all ur workers

 

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