WOW!!! Catching ma Breath!!!

Ma peeps, men its been a while since this medium has been updated.It's not my fault jere, it's the ups and down of trying to make a living and while also trying to make yourself better. Work as been a BEESH(Warri accent).

Anyway I have been doing alright and thanks to a million and one friends that have been bugging me to update forever.At least I know some people still check up on me.

I just though I will go ahead and update with a few jokes and picture jokes like I do atimes 'cos I have some that I can't just wait to share.....

One of my friends sent me this joke today -

MEN VS WOMEN
HER DIARY
------------ ------
Dear Diary,

My husband is acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long and I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing so, I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk; he agreed but he kept
quiet and seemed kind of absent minded. I asked him what was wrong - he said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.



On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love U,too.' When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.

He just sat there and watched TV.; he seemed distan. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is gonna be a disaster.
___________ _________ _________ _

HIS DIARY
==========
Today Manchester lost the final match Against Arsenal.

DAMN IT.





Simplicity of Men
Vs
Complexity of Women !!!


I SAW THIS ON A WEBSITE I CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER WHICH ONE!!!
News Flash -- Idiots sightings!!!

IDIOT SIGHTING :
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but they could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce..' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.

From Kansas City


IDIOT SIGHTING :
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied , 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in -the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealer ship to pick up our car, w e were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctivel y tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , Mississippi

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE KIDS!!!

Got this joke from a friend ...
The absolute best Little Johnnie joke
Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital,
Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their
house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby
had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything
about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the
smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he
understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a
beautiful baby'.The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.' Johnnie
said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute
little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see? ''Yes', the mother
replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20
vision. ''That's great', said Little Johnnie,'cuz he'd be fucked if he needed
glasses'

This is for you ma peeps that sleep off @ Work

FIVE BEST THINGS TO SAY IF YOU GET CAUGHT SLEEPING AT YOUR DESK:


NUMBER 5: "They told me at the Blood Bank this might happen."

NUMBER 4 : "This is just a 15 minute power nap they raved about in the time-management course you sent me to."

NUMBER 3 : "Whew!? Guess I left the top off the White-out. You probably got here just in time!"

NUMBER 2: "Did you ever notice sound coming out of these keyboards when you put your ear down real close?"

And the NUMBER ONE best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk: (Raising your head slowly) "... in Jesus' name, Amen"

HERE ARE SOME PICTURE JOKES!!!



Omo the only thing someone saw in this pic is the gas prices..Can you Imagine!!!
This was a plane crash in LA 8yrs Ago


You can imagine after dinner @ a Chinese restaurant and you crack the fortune cookie!!


This is one of the times ma peeps will say before nko!!! .... I go pass you for road if care is not taken sef.



So who come get right of way now ....LASMA help us decide!!!



And last but not the least ma peeps ..... na some people talk this one o,no be me o!!!