Gist II

Chie!!! my email box almost caught fire o,with all the comments on the last post.Mehn I did not know people like gist this much o.

New Jersey was cool except for Newark and Orange County looking like Ajegunle.Went to a Naija restaurant/Bar where I saw a couple of old Naija guys acting the fool.Can you imagine a middle age Ibo man in traditional outfit,with like 8 pieces of gold chains with big pendants that will put Pharell to shame around his neck,rings on all fingers and 2 studs in one ear and a cross pendant earring in the other ear.Mehn it was a trip sha.The wedding was good and I had fun as well cos,music was provided by a DJ,who played Oldies,all the Naija new songs and come and see people dancing with their Traditional outfits o.Saw friend I have not seen since we left secondary school(for my peeps who schooled in naija) and high school(for peeps who schooled here)

Anyway where was I.

So like the saying goes "everyday is for the thief,but one day is for the owner of the stolen property"

Let me give a quick intro and info about the house I dropped her and her friend off at.I have a very close friend and am going to call him KA.We started college together and he left for the UK during our 2nd year in college,but we still talk and he comes to Nigeria every xmas and we always hang out.I know his parents,all his brothers and they know me as well and my mum knows him as well.He has an older brother and am going to call him TA.

I ended the part I with dropping AF and her friend off and had to take off cos everybody at the house know me.Well the house I dropped them at was KA's brother TA's house.As at that time TA's wife was in the UK with their kid and TA was the only one at home.

Like I said I dropped them off and left and never mentioned anything to her about it,cos I was still a lil' bit surprised about the whole thing.Anyway I did my investigation and got information from some reliable sources(TA's gateman and housegirl),you know what the right tip can get you in naija.

Anyway to keep long story short,this incident happened in the month of June and KA came home in December.Everytime KA comes home and he is in town,he always stays in his brother TA's house.So one of KA's drivers dropped him off at my house early the next morning after he came in,had to take him around to run some errands and we later ended up at his house(TA's house).We were at the house gisting and the phone rang and I was the nearest person to the phone and was asked to pick up the phone.I picked it up and it was AF on the phone calling to ask about TA.I new she was the one as soon as I heard her voice and it took her some seconds to recognise my voice.She went silent on the phone for like a minute after she knew it was me and later got hold of herself.You know how women always want to play out everything and later want to turn everything on your head after they have been caught red-handed.

Apparently she thought I had told everybody what was going on,to which I had not mentioned anything,and my friend thought I had told her to call me to their house when I told him who was on the phone.She decided to brave it and come over,but I left before she got there to go shower and change clothes.


Wow am actually falling asleep on my laptop here,got to go sleep.Will finish the story 2morrow or day after.






Let me leave you guys with this real life joke that was sent to me by my brother.

A young Yoruba man(definately and ijebu man) walks into a bank in New York City
and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is
going to Lagos on a vacation, for two weeks, and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of
security for the loan, so the Yoruba man hands over the keys to a new brand
BMW 6 Series.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank. The
yourba man produces the title and everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the
yoruba man, for using an $80,000 BMW as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drives the BMW into the bank's underground
garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the yoruba man returns, repays the $5,000 and the
interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are
very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out
very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked
you out and found that you are a successful business man. What puzzles
us is,why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Yoruba man replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two weeks, and pay only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I
return?"
The bank employees watched as he pulls out of the garage, windows down
and
sunroof open. Juju music blasting from his car, as he pulled away.

THE GIST!!!

I decided to update my blog because I will be off to New Jersey 2day for a wedding on Saturday,hope to see a couple of people I have not seen in a while.

The President and Vice president of the Ijebu Women Association has been urging me for the said gist,so I decided to put up this post.


I was in my 3rd year in college and was going out with this chic,I will call her AF.To give a lil' background on how the thingy we had started.AF's roommate,who I will call LR at the time was my very good friend before they became roommates.So one day I went to say hi to LR after a long time and met AF.I ended up gisting with AF the whole nite cos one of my friend who was trying to talk to LR went with me and while they were talking,I decided to gist with AF.

We gisted about everything and actually enjoyed each other's company and she even saw me off when I was leaving.Anyway to cut long story short,LR made a bet with me for N50 that I can't get AF to go out with me and I won the bet.

So on this fateful day after we have been dating for like 8months or there about,I was about to leave school and go home cos I was a lil' bit tired after classes and I decided to check her up in her room before going home.I met her with one of her friends in her room,told her I was on my way home.She then asked if I could drop her and her friend at one of the friend's Uncle's house somewhere in town.They got in the car and started giving me directions to the said uncle's house and when we got there I had to quickly drop them and leave cos everybody in the house including the security guards and the dogs know me very well.



Will have to conclude this story in PartII,cos I have to go pack for my trip and read for a test as well before I leave.Got to leave you with a joke though and a funny picture I saw.

Speedy Seniors

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."



This is called a baby Jacuzzi

A lil' Some Some To Make Your Day.

Still a little tied up with Work o.Most times I will seat to write something up and my brain will just shut down.Been busy at work as well that I can only read blogs and reply to some.
I actually have some topics I want to talk about,will try and put something up before the weekend.

Belle don't worry i will put up the story you requested on Miguel's blog.


A PASTOR AND POLICE IN NIGERIA

A Pastor was driving on the expressway when he met a team of MobilePolicemen (otherwise known as MOPOL), who quite naturally, wanted 'something'from him.

Since he was not prepared to play their games, they asked for his papers and having combed through everything without any offence with which to nail the 'stubborn' pastor, they now asked him to open the bonnet of his car.

A careful scrutiny of the engine number against what was on paper revealed that the letter 'U' was written in such a way that it could be mistaken for letter 'V'.

That was all the officer-in-charge needed to shout "stolen vehicle" !

Sensing trouble, even when he knew he committed no offense, the pastor called the OC to say he was a priest to which the officer replied:

"Please, leave that pastor thing...in any case, if you are indeed a pastor, then you must have a Bible in your car abi?, bring it."

The Pastor did as was commanded after which the officer now ordered: "Please read Matthew 5:25, 26 to me".

The incredulous Pastor opened to the recommended passage and read:

"Settle matters quickly with your adversary who is taking you to court. Do it while you are still with him on the way, or he may hand you over to a judge, and the judge may hand you over to the officer, and you may be thrown into prison. I tell you the truth; you will not get out until you have paid the last penny."

Haba!!! Na wa o!!!!



Bet you are all reaching for your bibles. Pretty comprehensive book, I must say.

Study it everyday please



Confessions of an Ijaw Kid

Little Diepriye came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Priye was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Priye's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Priye, of course, thought he did.

Priye's mother wanted Priye to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Priye, and think about how you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Priye by stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Priye

Priye knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.

Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Priye. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Priye

Priye knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.

Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Priye

Priye knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Priye wrote a fourth letter.

Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Priye

Priye by now knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.



Now, Priye was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Priye's mother thought her plan had worked, as Priye walked by, he looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Priye's mother told him.


Priye walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Priye went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Priye bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Priye began to write his letter to God.

Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!
The hit man.
Diepriye

Can u beat dat ???!!!



How to tell one African from another:

It comes as something of a surprise to many Africans
to discover that all Africans look the same to
non-Africans.

How do you tell a Nigerian from a Kenyan, for example;
and I am not talking about passports or clothing? Well
the easiest way, of course, is the name: For example
Ogunkoye can only be a Nigerian and Njoroge from
Kenya.

And so where do the Dunns come from? They are
certainly from Liberia or Sierra Leone. Surely,
everybody knows that the loud and cocky ones are the
West Africans; the brooding and sly ones are the North
and South Africans
respectively; the East Africans always say yes, even
when they disagree with you violently.

To be more specific, the Cameronians will borrow money
from you to buy Champagne; whilst the Ghanaians think
they invented politics.

The Congolese think they have the best music and the
best dancers; the Nigerians have a ! thing about
clothes; and the Ethiopians believe they have the most
beautiful women on God's earth.

Moroccans actually think they're French, and so do the
Burkinabes. Algerians just hate the French.

Sierra Leonians simply smile profusely; and Liberians
can't get over America. All East and South African
countries have the same national anthem, but the South
Africans sing it the best.

The South Africans have no hair; the Zambians and
Kenyans have prominent foreheads; the West Africans
have short memories and never learn from their
mistakes; the concept of order and discipline must
have been invented in East Africa; the words don't
exist in West Africa, especially in Nigeria.

When a cabinet minister is "caught with his hands in
the till," he commits suicide in Southern Africa; in
West Africa he's promoted after the next coup d'etat.

In athletics, the divisions are quite simple: from
800m to the marathon the East Africans hold sway; the
West Africans are only good at the sprints; and South
Africans can only sing.

But when it comes to football (soccer), the North and
West Africans dominate the lesser-skilled East and
South Africans.

BREAKING NEWS !!!

Just had to let you guys know o.

Whitney Houston finally got the knock on the head and filed a legal seperation which is going to lead to a divorce from Bobby Brown.A lot of people have been waiting for this for a long time,cos Whitney was doing good until she met Bobby Brown,who in my opinion did not influence her but encouraged her to dive into drug abuse full time.

Read the news from HERE

AWOL 4 A MINUTE

Been a little busy with work and some other things I am trying to do.I was actually thinking I will be able to finish the assignment(tag thingy )T-Minx gave me to do.

Was just able to get on my system at work cos part of the power in my building was down.The elevator was not working and I had to run up the stairs to the 7th floor and people were actually sitting down and resting on the stairs.I was out of breath by the time I got to the 7th floor too,cos I practically ran up the stairs.Note to self(Need to go to the gym more often now).Well the air was out and the systems were down for 2hrs.People were actually praying for the air not to come back on,cos they wanted to go home.

Anyway saw this joke and decided to put it on here along with the picture message as well.

"Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The
cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of
the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather
fruits. The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the
fruits up your butt without any _expression on your face or you'll be
eaten." The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in
pain, so he was killed. The second one arrived and showed the king ten
berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that
this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...
and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed. The first
guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you
laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't
help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."


You guys have a lovely week.

Survivor Nigeria

Howdy,hope my Yankee peeps had a nice looooooooog holiday (Buki;s Benefit) and my other Peeps as well?

Been a little busy and have gotten a lil' blog freeze going on here,but just had to let you guys know about the survivor like thingy going on in Naija.One of my guys is participating -Hector Jobarteh.It is called the "GUILDER ULTIMATE SEARCH" .

So take a look at the site and you can vote for the guys on the show as well.

Take care,have a nice work week and hope to blog fully by the weekend.

Let me leave you guys with Some Pharmacist Jokes

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. This being a big event,the
girl tells her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go
out and "do it" for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has
never done it before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some
protection.

The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He
tells the boy everything there is to know about
protection and doing it. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many
he'd like to buy; a 3-pack, a 10-pack, or a family pack. The boy insists on the
family pack because he thinks he will be needing it, this being his first
time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's house
and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh I'm so excited for
you to meet my parents,
come on in." The boy goes inside and is taken to the
dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers
to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down. Ten minutes pass and still no
movement from the boy. Finally,after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend
leans over and whispers to her boyfriend, "I had no idea you were so
religious.
" The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist."



A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some
cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The
pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give
you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! They'll throw
both of us in jail and I'll lose my license."
Then the lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her
husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife, and handed it to the
pharmacist.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, you
didn't tell me you had a prescription!"

Reasons To Date Naija Men

1. He understands your accent.

2. He knows that when you suffix every sentence with 'now', its not a

command, e.g. "Come let's go now..."

3. When you guys go out, he pays and doesn't expect a refund of exactly

half!

4. He understands why you have to send money home - probably doing the same

himself!

5. He doesn't see your kid sister staying in your house as an

inconvenience/ cramping his style.

6. He doesn't think you should put your parents in a home.

7. He eats 'Gbegiri and Amala' and doesn't think it's 'yucky' or

'spicy'.In a nutshell, loves your cooking.

8. He gets your jokes.

9. The way he licks his ten fingers 'cos that Ogbono soup with Iyan hit da

spot, Oh Yes!!!

10. He has got his education or he got something going on.

11. He may be a baby daddy but he loves his kid and takes care of him.

12. He can have a bus load of conversation without him saying much 'cos

his momma taught him that.

13. He loves to see you shake that ass to Sir Shina Peters, the

original "Back That Ass Up" master.

14. He will settle an argument and say sorry while maintaining his man

status.

15. I am IN charge but he is THE charge, we understand that.

16. He knows where he is from. Living in NY does not mean you are from

NY.

17. He thinks you're so pretty without makeup.

18. He calls you native endearing names like "Nne" or "Omo"

19. He has respect [not to be confused with obedience] for his elders

important.

20. The way he gets embarrased and says "I beg e" when you compliment

him.

21. The way he says "I love you baby" - may be very fake yet sounds so

TRUE!

22. The way he eats meat with his bare hands... for some reason it is

sexy to me.

23. The way he calls you his wife in front of all his friends.

24. The way he says "Shey you get am" when he thinks you are not paying

attention, but you really are.

25. The way he knows that it is you calling and answers the phone "Hey

Baby!" without looking at the caller ID.

26. The way Naija men look when they are all decked out in native...

there is nothing sexier than a dark chocolate man in lace o!

27. Pronounces your name like say na im born you.

28. The way he flows from Ebonics to Pidgin English to Akata with ease.

29. He is just at home at your office picnic as he is at the Naija

reunion.

30. The very satisfied look on his face after eating one of your meals

and the way he glares at you while picking his teeth with the tooth pick,

and you both know that you are his next "meal".

31. He appreciates the art of yanshrolling when he sees one!

32. Keeps you from doing wahala by buying a stickshift vehicle he knows

U can't drive!

33. He saves you money on groceries a la "limited diet". Just cook the

stew and he'll figure the rest... Eba, Amala, Fufu or even plain old White

Bread!

34. No need for breast implants to impress am!

35. No need to go kill himself trying to maintain a six pack. He knows

u know big belle is sexy inside Agbada!

36. He knows to allow you like three hours to get ready for a party!

37. He will not complain when you waka with headful of rollers inside

house but quick to let you know that aint nothing sexy about that when

you want to go outside.

38. Her singing while doing housework is a classic reminder of wetin

you dey miss when you dey carry Akata woman!

39. His lunch (Rice, Beans, Dodo, complete with carefully selected

assorted meat) wey you pack for am na something u know sey im no go

wait to "Palam"(gobble up!) when him reach work

40. He thinks the small gap between your front teeth are actually

sexy!!!!


Finally; Cool Cos He Is Just A Naija Man Period!!!


So I am tagging all ya'll Nnes to put out Reasons to Date Naija or African Women






This is J-Lo's baby pic.So I guess she got it from her mama!!!